it’s nice to feel understood. i have weird interests now for early 20s (i enjoy reading, working out, etc.) because I was exhausted from the party life by my senior year. I am content with my life and sometimes I wonder if it’s just because it’s easier than trying to find someone who shares my interests, but I’ve been trying to branch out and have been pretty successful so far. I find people really enjoy talking about themselves and asking questions makes conversations more comfortable at first. Thanks for sharing!
thank you so much, I’m happy you related. I totally agree with people liking to talk about themselves, I’m guilty of it too when I’m comfortable. I’ll try asking more questions!
This was so relatable: I truly understand that anxiety of making friends. You make me think of my own experiences of feeling like no one will think my little interests are interesting and I feel this fear of expressing them… I sometimes just freeze up! It’s awful. Though it’s been getting better! ❤️🩹
One thing though… because I’ve discovered this when I DO allow myself to do away with social convention…
“I wish when you begin with someone new, you could just start by saying ‘hey, in fourth grade I convinced myself that leprechauns were real and told my entire class we had to make houses for them.’ I personally think that would be way more interesting than ‘wow it was really sunny today’ or ‘my favorite color is periwinkle’.”
You CAN do this. I have done things like this. It often goes weirdly, but it also often goes well. A lot of people are dying for real connection but are also too afraid to blurt the real or actually interesting shit out ❤️ and you can always laugh later when you get a weird reaction. They make for funny stories!
thank you so much, I needed this. im trying to embrace the laughter that comes after an awkward interaction or misunderstanding. im trying to break free from the social convention that feels like it often holds me back. im trying my best to be myself and unapologetic about it!
You will get there!!! Be patient with yourself and gentle with yourself: it’s very hard, I know, it takes a long time, and you’ll still leave social situations feeling like , “wtf is wrong with me why can’t I just say X”, which has sometimes been the story of my life haha. But you’ve got so much to offer and I hope you’ll just blurt it out ❤️
I had a very similar upbringing and never thought about how it connected to my difficulty making friends! So, thank you for that!! I’ve lived alone for the past 5 years, but I’m finally branching out and living with someone else to get out of my shell. Probably doesn’t sound like anything to a lot of people, but for me it’s a huge step LOL.
I always feel like I need exposure therapy in order to get to where I need to be socially. I need to be embarrassing and cringey and weird until I don't feel like an outcast anymore. It's all a journey and we're all on it every day. Thank you for reading and thank you for commenting! It's comforting to know that others are feeling the same way.
I also struggle with making friends as an adult. I am in my mid-30s and it gets progressively harder as you age. People get married and have children and suddenly poof they vanish. I started to make friends at work. I focused on my hobbies and what excites me and share it with others and then suddenly we have connection and something to discuss. To have an interesting life it helps to BE interesting and engaging with others as you meet them. That’s the only way.
Thank you so much for your insight. I agree that it gets to a point in your life where you begin to prioritize yourself over others. You think about all of the ways you can make yourself happy and fulfilled. I think meeting people organically while doing these things might just be the best way to gain connection.
I fuck with this so much. I've been on and off bumble bff this year and everyone was right, it's so difficult to make it work. I think I was so hopeful I refused to acknowledge that this was not the way I wanted to meet friends. I don't mean to push my own perspective onto you or anything, but what I've come to think is that getting older means being lonely in ways you aren't comfortable with yet so you aren't afraid of that kind of loneliness later in life. Making friends is universally so difficult as an adult, and maybe knowing other adults are just as lonely is comforting enough.
I love your perspective on this. I think that it’s a journey and regardless of how many friends you don’t have, there’s always someone feeling the same kind of loneliness.
I’m so happy to hear that others are having the same experience. It’s comforting knowing I’m not alone in this. I’ve had the same thing happen with Bumble BFF. I hate the whole concept of people seeing each others faces and writing them off. I often find myself reading the bios instead but still struggle with feeling like I relate. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!!
That’s what I’ve been thinking as well. You’d think that so many others are having the same struggles but it’s still so hard to connect on a deeper level.
it’s nice to feel understood. i have weird interests now for early 20s (i enjoy reading, working out, etc.) because I was exhausted from the party life by my senior year. I am content with my life and sometimes I wonder if it’s just because it’s easier than trying to find someone who shares my interests, but I’ve been trying to branch out and have been pretty successful so far. I find people really enjoy talking about themselves and asking questions makes conversations more comfortable at first. Thanks for sharing!
thank you so much, I’m happy you related. I totally agree with people liking to talk about themselves, I’m guilty of it too when I’m comfortable. I’ll try asking more questions!
24 years old, homeschooled all my life. never had any, and it's rough trying to make any now. glad im not the only one who struggles with this.
This was so relatable: I truly understand that anxiety of making friends. You make me think of my own experiences of feeling like no one will think my little interests are interesting and I feel this fear of expressing them… I sometimes just freeze up! It’s awful. Though it’s been getting better! ❤️🩹
One thing though… because I’ve discovered this when I DO allow myself to do away with social convention…
“I wish when you begin with someone new, you could just start by saying ‘hey, in fourth grade I convinced myself that leprechauns were real and told my entire class we had to make houses for them.’ I personally think that would be way more interesting than ‘wow it was really sunny today’ or ‘my favorite color is periwinkle’.”
You CAN do this. I have done things like this. It often goes weirdly, but it also often goes well. A lot of people are dying for real connection but are also too afraid to blurt the real or actually interesting shit out ❤️ and you can always laugh later when you get a weird reaction. They make for funny stories!
thank you so much, I needed this. im trying to embrace the laughter that comes after an awkward interaction or misunderstanding. im trying to break free from the social convention that feels like it often holds me back. im trying my best to be myself and unapologetic about it!
You will get there!!! Be patient with yourself and gentle with yourself: it’s very hard, I know, it takes a long time, and you’ll still leave social situations feeling like , “wtf is wrong with me why can’t I just say X”, which has sometimes been the story of my life haha. But you’ve got so much to offer and I hope you’ll just blurt it out ❤️
the good thing is, you CAN share your fourth grade story on the first meet. it may not always materialize, but try it and see 🤍
yes!! always trying to find people as honest and that blurt out as much as me
I had a very similar upbringing and never thought about how it connected to my difficulty making friends! So, thank you for that!! I’ve lived alone for the past 5 years, but I’m finally branching out and living with someone else to get out of my shell. Probably doesn’t sound like anything to a lot of people, but for me it’s a huge step LOL.
I always feel like I need exposure therapy in order to get to where I need to be socially. I need to be embarrassing and cringey and weird until I don't feel like an outcast anymore. It's all a journey and we're all on it every day. Thank you for reading and thank you for commenting! It's comforting to know that others are feeling the same way.
I also struggle with making friends as an adult. I am in my mid-30s and it gets progressively harder as you age. People get married and have children and suddenly poof they vanish. I started to make friends at work. I focused on my hobbies and what excites me and share it with others and then suddenly we have connection and something to discuss. To have an interesting life it helps to BE interesting and engaging with others as you meet them. That’s the only way.
Thank you so much for your insight. I agree that it gets to a point in your life where you begin to prioritize yourself over others. You think about all of the ways you can make yourself happy and fulfilled. I think meeting people organically while doing these things might just be the best way to gain connection.
I fuck with this so much. I've been on and off bumble bff this year and everyone was right, it's so difficult to make it work. I think I was so hopeful I refused to acknowledge that this was not the way I wanted to meet friends. I don't mean to push my own perspective onto you or anything, but what I've come to think is that getting older means being lonely in ways you aren't comfortable with yet so you aren't afraid of that kind of loneliness later in life. Making friends is universally so difficult as an adult, and maybe knowing other adults are just as lonely is comforting enough.
I love your perspective on this. I think that it’s a journey and regardless of how many friends you don’t have, there’s always someone feeling the same kind of loneliness.
i think we’d be friends actually. if not id probably like you. ive been listening to glass flows by smino
I’m so happy to hear that others are having the same experience. It’s comforting knowing I’m not alone in this. I’ve had the same thing happen with Bumble BFF. I hate the whole concept of people seeing each others faces and writing them off. I often find myself reading the bios instead but still struggle with feeling like I relate. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!!
That’s what I’ve been thinking as well. You’d think that so many others are having the same struggles but it’s still so hard to connect on a deeper level.